Two weeks ago I was in Vegas for a work trip. We do this event every year, hosting a few hundred guests. It's definitely a marathon as you run around to meetings all day, host cocktail hours, host dinners and then back out for more partying. There's lots of eating, drinking and networking to be had! I knew this year was going to be epic but didn't know that I would run into my crush and that he would turn out to be "Vegas Crazy."
I met "Vegas Crazy" months ago when I was downtown helping out my team for a sales event. He works for an entirely different partner so I never saw him before but was instantly attracted. He introduced himself to me and we talked for a bit before I had to get back to work. I would see him occasionally at our suburban office when he was there for meetings but never spoke to him. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw him on the second night at the after hours lounge everyone gathers at. We instantly hit it off again and spend the next few hours drinking and tearing up the dance floor....and then I slept with him. Oops. Eh, what happens in Vegas....
So yeah, fun night and it was back to meetings the next morning. Since this was our last day everyone was anxious for it to be over with and ready for the exclusive party at Tryst. The day flew by and before I knew it I was getting ready for the night with some girlfriends in my room, one of which was my boss. Two of the girls right off the bat mentioned the "guido" I was dancing with the prior night. They clearly disapproved but didn't know that I didn't just dance with him. On the other hand, another girlfriend in the room knew all about it and we got a good laugh. Looking back I maybe should have listened a little closer to the disapproval because that night I got a taste of exactly what they were talking about.
So I'm at Tryst and after an hour or so I run into "Vegas Crazy." I chat with him for a good half hour before I leave to go mingle/network with a ton of people. It's a party and I'm not there just to talk to him. I end up outside where all the Executives are and start talking to one of them. About 5-10min into the conversation with this Executive and some other girlfriends, I hear "Vegas Crazy" shouting things right into my ear. Things like "you're disgusting" and "how can you talk to him, he's a scumbag." At first I thought he was joking and I just laughed it off. It wasn't until the third time he came over that I realized he was serious. He asked me for a minute to talk and I had to embarrassingly excuse myself from the group. I walked right over to him to figure out what the hell his problem was. Apparently he was under the impression that I was going to spend all my time with him and that I wasn't going to talk to any of the other 600 people at this party. I quickly corrected him, told him he was a fucking lunatic and told him to cool off somewhere and to leave me alone. Honestly, I was in shock. Just because I hang out with you for a night doesn't mean you own me and definitely doesn't give you the right to shout horrible things at me.
The next morning "Vegas Crazy" called to apologize. Apparently alcohol makes you a jealous asshole who can't act like an adult in public.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Columbian
One of my greatest friends moved out to Hawaii two years ago and I visit her often. Since we just got the first snowfall here in IL all I can think of is wanting to go back to the warm sunshine and beach! However, the thought of Hawaii also reminds me that on my last trip I had to deal with The Columbian.
I met The Columbian earlier in the year when I visited my close friend. The second to last day I was there we had a big party on the beach and enjoyed some Paddle Boarding. The Columbian and I sat on the boards and talked for what seemed like hours. Later that night we conveniently were set up on a date by our friends. We tried to go Salsa dancing but pretty much made it to the beach to make out and then went back to his place. What can I say...he's a latin lover and you have to expect these things. I obviously had a great time and after I left Hawaii we talked on the phone almost every day. Now, The Columbian almost made this blog months ago for his ENDLESS complaining but he learned to control that after I set him straight that I didn't sign up for that. See, The Columbian, as with any latin lover, has a history of family issues and relationship issues. He's basically a hot mess. But you don't ever actually date latin lovers, you just have fun. It's a mutual understanding that you each give each other attention but there is no actual commitment. It's supposed to be a very mature understanding between two people but on this last visit two months ago, The Columbian got it all wrong and acted like a complete asshole in the process.
So I'm in Hawaii for a week and it's going great! The Columbian and I are talking, hanging out and sleeping together. No complaints there. Each giving each other mutual attention. However, a few days before I left something abruptly changed. The Columbian invited all of us to the beach where he proceeded to ignore me and in general seemed annoyed I was even there. A little weird to ignore me when he was the one who invited me and mutual friends, but I ignored it cause frankly I don't care...this isn't a relationship. Things blew up later that night at a Halloween party when every guy at the bar was talking to me except for The Columbian. A little confused at the back and forth behavior because remember, with latin lovers the expectation is having mutual attention. So I bring this up to The Columbian and he brushes it off, gives me attention and later blames his ADHD (really.). The day I leave I notice his Facebook status has changed to "It's Official" and when I arrive back in IL his relationship status changes to "In a Relationship." Gotta love Facebook for giving you the straight answers when you're under the impression that your latin lover is mature to do it in person. See, the thing is, I don't care if The Columbian is in a relationship. In fact, I want him to be in any relationship as long as it's not with me. I just care that he's upfront and tells me, which is part of the agreement that he forgot. Good news is I can walk away and blog about it. At least I'm not the new girlfriend that has no idea he was sleeping with someone else hours before it was "official."
I met The Columbian earlier in the year when I visited my close friend. The second to last day I was there we had a big party on the beach and enjoyed some Paddle Boarding. The Columbian and I sat on the boards and talked for what seemed like hours. Later that night we conveniently were set up on a date by our friends. We tried to go Salsa dancing but pretty much made it to the beach to make out and then went back to his place. What can I say...he's a latin lover and you have to expect these things. I obviously had a great time and after I left Hawaii we talked on the phone almost every day. Now, The Columbian almost made this blog months ago for his ENDLESS complaining but he learned to control that after I set him straight that I didn't sign up for that. See, The Columbian, as with any latin lover, has a history of family issues and relationship issues. He's basically a hot mess. But you don't ever actually date latin lovers, you just have fun. It's a mutual understanding that you each give each other attention but there is no actual commitment. It's supposed to be a very mature understanding between two people but on this last visit two months ago, The Columbian got it all wrong and acted like a complete asshole in the process.
So I'm in Hawaii for a week and it's going great! The Columbian and I are talking, hanging out and sleeping together. No complaints there. Each giving each other mutual attention. However, a few days before I left something abruptly changed. The Columbian invited all of us to the beach where he proceeded to ignore me and in general seemed annoyed I was even there. A little weird to ignore me when he was the one who invited me and mutual friends, but I ignored it cause frankly I don't care...this isn't a relationship. Things blew up later that night at a Halloween party when every guy at the bar was talking to me except for The Columbian. A little confused at the back and forth behavior because remember, with latin lovers the expectation is having mutual attention. So I bring this up to The Columbian and he brushes it off, gives me attention and later blames his ADHD (really.). The day I leave I notice his Facebook status has changed to "It's Official" and when I arrive back in IL his relationship status changes to "In a Relationship." Gotta love Facebook for giving you the straight answers when you're under the impression that your latin lover is mature to do it in person. See, the thing is, I don't care if The Columbian is in a relationship. In fact, I want him to be in any relationship as long as it's not with me. I just care that he's upfront and tells me, which is part of the agreement that he forgot. Good news is I can walk away and blog about it. At least I'm not the new girlfriend that has no idea he was sleeping with someone else hours before it was "official."
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Ravinia
I went to Ravinia this weekend with some friends to see the Counting Crows. Had an amazing time except for the part where some obnoxious guy "Wino" spilled wine all over me...and then blamed me for it.
My friend and I were sitting on the lawn watching the band when "20 Questions" came up to talk to us. And by "talk" I mean it was a 10 minute Q&A session.
"Where are you from?"
"What do you do?"
To my married friend "How long have you been married?"
To my married friend "How do you like being married?"
To my married friend "Do you feel like you have to reinvent yourself in your relationship?"
By this point we had had enough. His other friend "Wino" then came up to my chair and leaned on my armrest....which lead to my entire glass of wine spilling all over my pants and the chair. I got up, showed him what happened and he said "I didn't do that...you did." Then he walked away to go sit back with his friends.
I found it ironic that "20 Questions" was asking me why I was single.
My friend and I were sitting on the lawn watching the band when "20 Questions" came up to talk to us. And by "talk" I mean it was a 10 minute Q&A session.
"Where are you from?"
"What do you do?"
To my married friend "How long have you been married?"
To my married friend "How do you like being married?"
To my married friend "Do you feel like you have to reinvent yourself in your relationship?"
By this point we had had enough. His other friend "Wino" then came up to my chair and leaned on my armrest....which lead to my entire glass of wine spilling all over my pants and the chair. I got up, showed him what happened and he said "I didn't do that...you did." Then he walked away to go sit back with his friends.
I found it ironic that "20 Questions" was asking me why I was single.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Mr. God Awful
On Tuesday I went to lunch with some coworkers. One of the guys in the group is so god awful annoying that I try to avoid him at all costs, but I got stuck sitting next to him this time. Lucky me!
The conversation at the table turned into discussing how people met their significant others. Since my parents have a somewhat entertaining and cute story I shared that. I then mentioned that, at the time, they were pretty opposite of one another. My mom is prim and proper and my dad has tattoos and was in a motorcycle gang. I then went on to explain that it was all a facade with my dad cause he's very sweet and down to earth and got rid of the motorcycle when he met my mom. End of story.
Mr. God Awful then leans over to me and starts with the 20 questions. One of which is "So, do you like bad boys like your mom??"
The conversation at the table turned into discussing how people met their significant others. Since my parents have a somewhat entertaining and cute story I shared that. I then mentioned that, at the time, they were pretty opposite of one another. My mom is prim and proper and my dad has tattoos and was in a motorcycle gang. I then went on to explain that it was all a facade with my dad cause he's very sweet and down to earth and got rid of the motorcycle when he met my mom. End of story.
Mr. God Awful then leans over to me and starts with the 20 questions. One of which is "So, do you like bad boys like your mom??"
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Having Relations
Yesterday I was walking around the sales floor and I saw a sign on a male co-workers desk that said the following:
The Formula
- Talk, Dinner, Talk
- Random Outing, Talk
- Have Relations
The Formula
- Talk, Dinner, Talk
- Random Outing, Talk
- Have Relations
Friday, July 23, 2010
5:30 Sweets
I met "5:30 Sweets" at a restaurant in Wisconsin. I was there with one of my girlfriends drinking the biggest long island I'd ever seen. They were delicious and apparently strong because before you knew it the two boys hollering at us from their car were sitting at the table with us. I vaguely remember how this happened.
Boys: "HEYYYY!"
Us: "Hey!"
Me to Kelly: "They're cute...right?"
Kelly to Me: "Yeah! Oh wait, he's driving a Honda, nevermind"
Somehow they made their way to our table and sat down to chat. "5:30 Sweets" was the cuter of the two so Kelly had to take the grenade this time. While Kelly's boy chatted about his FBI job and how his parents are rich with a boat, I chatted with "5:30 Sweets" and somehow ended up planning a date for the following Saturday.
What happened the following days is beyond comprehension. "5:30 Sweets" as it turns out has a little bit of OTD or Obsessive Texting Disorder. Now, I like texting as much as the next person, but I have a phone as old as a dinosaur so for every word I'm pounding the keys like 20 times. Not to mention that after a few texts I feel like you should just call the person and have an actual conversation. But no, "5:30 Sweets" never figured this out. He texted me ALL DAY about nonsense. And around 7pm he texted the inevitable "Are you on Facebook?" This is how the conversation went.
5:30: "Are you on Facebook"
Me: "Yes, search under ___"
5:30: "I can't find you"
Me: "Ok, try my email at ___"
5:30: "I still can't find you"
Me (severely annoyed): "Ok, well when you do I'll accept your friend request"
5:30: "Whoa Whoa Whoa Sweets, I never said I would friend you!!"
WTF. Seriously....WTF?? At this point I stopped responding all together.
I woke up the next morning to two texts on my phone.
(at 5:30am): Are you mad??
(at 7:30am): Are you mad??
Needless to say I never went on that date.
Boys: "HEYYYY!"
Us: "Hey!"
Me to Kelly: "They're cute...right?"
Kelly to Me: "Yeah! Oh wait, he's driving a Honda, nevermind"
Somehow they made their way to our table and sat down to chat. "5:30 Sweets" was the cuter of the two so Kelly had to take the grenade this time. While Kelly's boy chatted about his FBI job and how his parents are rich with a boat, I chatted with "5:30 Sweets" and somehow ended up planning a date for the following Saturday.
What happened the following days is beyond comprehension. "5:30 Sweets" as it turns out has a little bit of OTD or Obsessive Texting Disorder. Now, I like texting as much as the next person, but I have a phone as old as a dinosaur so for every word I'm pounding the keys like 20 times. Not to mention that after a few texts I feel like you should just call the person and have an actual conversation. But no, "5:30 Sweets" never figured this out. He texted me ALL DAY about nonsense. And around 7pm he texted the inevitable "Are you on Facebook?" This is how the conversation went.
5:30: "Are you on Facebook"
Me: "Yes, search under ___"
5:30: "I can't find you"
Me: "Ok, try my email at ___"
5:30: "I still can't find you"
Me (severely annoyed): "Ok, well when you do I'll accept your friend request"
5:30: "Whoa Whoa Whoa Sweets, I never said I would friend you!!"
WTF. Seriously....WTF?? At this point I stopped responding all together.
I woke up the next morning to two texts on my phone.
(at 5:30am): Are you mad??
(at 7:30am): Are you mad??
Needless to say I never went on that date.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Sweetest Thing
I started dating when I was 15 years old. I look back and cringe at how young I was but of course at that age I thought I knew everything and believed I had the most magical relationship. I remember my criteria for dating a boy was that he had to be cute and funny...and that's it. Amazing, i know. Somehow over the years boys that were "cute" turned into "egomaniacs" and boys that were "funny" turned into "insecure, self centered assholes." Ladies, how did this happen??
I continuously dated boys until a few months after I turned 26. My long-term boyfriend and I broke up, he moved to Florida and, although it was mutual, I was heartbroken. For the first time in my life I was truly single and had no idea what to do with myself. It's important to note that for a brief moment I hated my life. However, after that pathetic pity party was over, I decided to get up, have fun and do whatever I wanted to do. I got a fantastic new job, traveled all over the world and met a ton of new single girlfriends who never said "no" to a few additional cocktails! I'm calling this time in my life the "it's all about me and no, I don't want to date you" period.
I've now entered the "it's still all about me and maybe I will consider dating you" period. You see, I'm open to meeting someone fantastic but all the boys I'm meeting have been so very un-fantastic. I've spend many mornings looking back at the prior night and laughing hysterically with my girlfriends. I've then taken that story to friends who weren't with us, to coworkers and to Facebook in hopes that someone will explain wtf is going on here. I now bring these stories to you so that you can laugh with us, perhaps over a few cocktails!
I love my life and I love my boys...and that's, The Sweetest Thing.
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